Now don’t get me wrong, I am a strong advocate of “each to their own” in just about every way, but when if you are trying to express a strong, aggressive, dark soul through fashion with an outfit that looks like what the Hulk would wear if he wanted to go to a Hallowe’en party as The Crow…

…don’t do it in pointy toed, high heeled boots, hon!

(c) Fashion TV

We think that Gareth Pugh needs a bit of a holiday. If his latest collection, shown at Paris Fashion Week in January was anything to go by, his mood is definitely depressed.  His designs rarely strayed from a muddy pallette of greys and browns, and looked as though they were inspired by a vision of futuristic street urchins. And while we know that feathers were all the rage last year for couture wedding gowns, this terrible headpiece was one of our biggest “hates” of the season so far.

Jennifer Lopez – did Versace forget to finish this dress?
Marisa Miller – $2,000 Gucci or $2 table cloth? You decide.
Rihanna – This Elie Saab gown just does nothing for Rihanna’s normally stunning figure.
Carrie Underwood – I hate to add a George Chakra gown to my hate list here, as I am going to be singing his praises later this week, however what is with the lightning bolt neckline??

Although, to be fair we have seen worse in previous years… remember Toni Braxton’s barely there white number from 2001?

Does anyone really want to walk down the aisle looking like they’ve just stepped out of (below pictured) Guns n Roses’ early 90s November Rain video? Besides, have you seen how that video ends? Not a good sign- not least because the heavens open and an overly paranoid guest jumps into your beautifully crafted wedding cake. I won’t even mention what happens right at the end, let alone the rumours that circulate it. I’m not saying the dress has anything to do with it, but… well…

There’s asymmetrical hems, and then there’s this. At least you will look modest from your guests’ view as you say your vows, though you may give the vicar quite a shock! Why not add a garter for that authentic November Rain trashy look? Heck, why not go the whole hog and dress your groom in a denim jacket and red bandanna?

Shockingly, though, I think this is a trend that is going to catch on. I suppose there is the benefit of a detachable train for a day- to- night look going into your reception, but surely you could make an entire attached skirt? Or was that the plan before Ian Stuart ran out of material and decided to pitch it as an innovative design in bridal fashion? That is the only excuse I can think of to allow this hideous disaster into the 21st century.

I really do love his designs, but I think this is a step too far. Stick to the classic, elegant and extravagant but please- pretty please with a cherry on top- don’t bring the Eighties back into wedding fashion. My mum’s 1987 wedding photos are still stuffed in the attic in shame, getting increasingly dusty and withered. Don’t inflict that embarrassment on us too.

Think of the height of fashion 20 years ago. We’ve all seen our mothers wedding photos; Huge net meringue monstrosities with bubble skirts and sleeves. Lovely. If that seems too distant, think of 10 years ago- platform trainers and cargo pants. Or even just five years or two years. Fashion moves so quickly that a super trendy dress could become super embarassing in just a few months.

This Ritva Westenius dress (above) is one such example. This bubble/pencil skirt hybrid is huge in high street shops at the moment, for reasons completely unknown to myself. Why you would want to leave the house on a normal day in one of these chaotic, unflattering beasts is beyond me, let alone on your wedding day. You could be stashing your wedding photos away in shame just this time next year.

As for this Alfred Sung style, the top part is gorgeous. Classic, elegant and timeless- everything you want in a wedding dress. So why destroy it with this bubbly tucked skirt. Fishtail skirts are great and a vintage classic. This 21st century take on a fishtail skirt is not. It creates the effect of looking like a half-melted candle. Not quite what I mean by a hot look.

Take my advice: Choose something simple and classic. A dress that will never date. That way even in 50 years time, whilst your friends’ photos gather dust hidden in the darkest corners of the attic, you can proudly show off your wedding photos with the same enthusiastic as when they were taken.

The dresses I mean have a corseted bodice made of mesh with a lot of strategically placed crystals. The mesh shows not just the structure of your bodice, but also everything underneath. Imagine all the guests have x-ray vision and can see right through to your stomach, and you have an idea of how exposed these dresses are. The only thing in the way of them seeing your nipples is the cluster of sparkling stones over your breasts. Not just a few either- a lot. Then a bit more. Apparently these designers have never heard the phrase “less is more”. Or perhaps they have and apply it to how much of your body is covered.

These almost-illegal bodices are often completed with a huge bubbling net skirt. Not so much a meringue style as a pavlova style. Actually, make that ten pavlovas stuck together. They really are a spectacle but not in an entirely complimentary way. Unless you really like pavlovas. I’m amazed brides can actually sit down in these monstrosities.

I’m not entirely sure what underwear would be worn with a dress like this, but I’m sure your Grandma doesn’t want to see it. She can see enough as it is. Just put it away.

The overall look is something of a stripper attempting to scrub up for her wedding day. Then having a crystal chandelier falling on her head. In fact, these dresses remind me of Jordan wedding chic- except even she managed to cover up. Just keep your body covered up until the wedding night and save it for your husband. We don’t want to see it.

Hate It :  Culture Clash

Patricia Avendaño’s work is unique and daring and unquestionably European in flavour but I think her combination of Spanish ruffles with Scottish tartans was a bad move.  Add garish colours to the mashup and you get the bridesmaid’s gown from designer hell.

* * *

Love it:  Sophisticated Style

Every element of this gown screams designer cosmopolitan style.  From the plunging neckline to the immaculately tailored lines to the brooch detail.  All in a sumptous avacado silk that is a refreshing change from the blues, greens and lilacs that usually swathe bridesmaids.

Click on a thumbnail below to see the full image.

Remember The Sound of Music and Gone with the Wind? Simply because those drapes made good ensembles in the movies, does not mean a bride should look like she ripped her grandmother’s curtains down at the last minute to create her wedding dress.

In particular, I can’t help but picture a bride in this dress having to swim her way to the altar with her Little Mermaid tail. I have to say I have no love for what I refer to as The Curtain Mermaid gown.

Editor’s note:
Don’t hold back, tell us what you really think! I have to say that I largely agree with Tia here. Brides appear ‘all wrapped up’, in the 2010 collection previews I have seen so far, with miles of wrapped tulle, chiffon and satin appearing in dresses from all designers.

At least it may not be difficult to get a budget version of these designer gowns. I recommend checking out the Toilet Paper Wedding Gown contest and then grabbing a few hundred rolls of Andrex!

What do you think about the new ‘wrap’ gowns?

Check out her gallery of white dresses at the Oscars.

Love it:
It is hard to pick a winner from so many beautiful and stylish women, but Nancy O Dell really stood out for me, in this amazing, slinky number.

Hate It:
Marion Cotillard’s strange fishy Jean Paul Gautier gown came a close second, but Jessica Biel’s Prada gown gets my vote for the worst white dress on the red carpet, looking more like a roomy bathrobe wrap than a glamorous Hollywood dress.

My favourite Oscars dress?
The Randi Rahm gown worn by Maria Menounos- imagine it in white for a sumptous, glamorous wedding gown!