Short/Long Dresses

Oh Ian Stuart. I love you, really I do, but I don’t think I can forgive you for this late Eighties nightmare. Maybe twenty years ago it would have looked super trendy, and I know the Eighties are in the high street everywhere at the moment but let’s face it. These styles didn’t look good then and they just look even uglier now. Did we learn nothing from Bananarama?

Does anyone really want to walk down the aisle looking like they’ve just stepped out of (below pictured) Guns n Roses’ early 90s November Rain video? Besides, have you seen how that video ends? Not a good sign- not least because the heavens open and an overly paranoid guest jumps into your beautifully crafted wedding cake. I won’t even mention what happens right at the end, let alone the rumours that circulate it. I’m not saying the dress has anything to do with it, but… well…

There’s asymmetrical hems, and then there’s this. At least you will look modest from your guests’ view as you say your vows, though you may give the vicar quite a shock! Why not add a garter for that authentic November Rain trashy look? Heck, why not go the whole hog and dress your groom in a denim jacket and red bandanna?

Shockingly, though, I think this is a trend that is going to catch on. I suppose there is the benefit of a detachable train for a day- to- night look going into your reception, but surely you could make an entire attached skirt? Or was that the plan before Ian Stuart ran out of material and decided to pitch it as an innovative design in bridal fashion? That is the only excuse I can think of to allow this hideous disaster into the 21st century.

I really do love his designs, but I think this is a step too far. Stick to the classic, elegant and extravagant but please- pretty please with a cherry on top- don’t bring the Eighties back into wedding fashion. My mum’s 1987 wedding photos are still stuffed in the attic in shame, getting increasingly dusty and withered. Don’t inflict that embarrassment on us too.